The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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