Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
