I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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