We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
