my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
