I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
