It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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