Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
