God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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