Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
