I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
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I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
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That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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