Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
