I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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