don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
