Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
