so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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