This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
