ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
