I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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