just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
