How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
