I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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