the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
