Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
