my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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