I can tuck mytits in my pants
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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