i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
