We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
