Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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