Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
