Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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