She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
