I hate all girls vehemently.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
