I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
