so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
