I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
