The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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