lets start a swedish sibling band together
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
