I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I could make wine with my vomit
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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