yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
