Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
