if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
