so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
