i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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