Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you made out with another girl for some wings
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
