it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
there's paper in my vomit.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
