when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
