I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
