so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
