The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
