before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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