she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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