he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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