I think im going to throw up on grandma
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
