Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
