Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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