so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
