YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
