Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
