She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
