Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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