Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
