okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
