Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
