i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
