don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
