I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize