i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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