Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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