I wish I could punch you in the face.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
