I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
