when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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