Can i not drive my cunt home
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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