I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
