A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
